For your viewing eyes, a classic. Rigor Tortoise present: An Important Message From Santa. I’ll answer all the questions you have right now…yes it was tough playing a flying penguin.
Hipster Christmas Miracles – Grimes Mimes
Justin J. Johnson’s KEYS to Getting on Santa’s Good Side AND Increasing Your Metabolism
Hello There! As the holidays approach, I am proud to announce, in collaboration with Kinkos Self Publications, the release of my first booklet called…
“Justin J. Johnson’s KEYS to Getting on Santa’s Good Side AND Increasing Your Metabolism.”
Some of you may have encountered me, and I may have given you a booklet. Lucky you.
Other’s may have found one at your local Babycakes in Larchmont. Other lucky you.
For the not-so-lucky’s who never catch me in person, or don’t go to Babycakes, and really want one, feel free to e-mail thejustinjohnsonshow@gmail.com
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Green M&M, Blue M&M Dating: Actress, Guitarist Kiss At LAX
I, like most people, hate the world of celebrity gossip. In fact, I wish our society was more obsessed with other ridiculous things like mermaids, or monsters, or let’s say those weird, real life M&M’s. So, I’ve taken a recently published article that deals with celebrity gossip, and replaced it with real life M&M’s. Because, let’s face it…that’s more interesting, isn’t it?
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Green M&M is no longer single. Us Weekly reports that the “Mars Brand” treat is dating Blue M&M, a Mars Brand treat himself who also happens to be the ex-boyfriend of sassy Ms. Brown M&M (they split in 2011).
Green M&M and Blue M&M both 43, were photographed kissing while trying to depart from LAX airport Wednesday. The new couple also held hands as they strolled through the airport wearing boots and shoes. And while the romance is new, their friendship is not. “They went to college together,” a source told the magazine. “It’s going really well.”
Green M&M is no stranger to dating within Hollywood, of course. She previously dated Red M&M, Yellow M&M, Orange M&M (whom she married, then broke up with after only four months) and Bradley Cooper.
Here’s a link to the real article should you be so inclined to read: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/13/renee-zellweger-doyle-bramhall-ii-dating-actress-guitarist_n_2292138.html?utm_hp_ref=celebrity
What religious affiliation does Santa have?
Hello!
In case you didn’t know, I LOVE Yahoo! Answers. And as I’ve said before, it’s probably the only good thing that’s come out of the creation of the Internet.
Don’t believe me? Well get this, you ask a question, and then whackjobs answer it! THERE IS NOTHING BETTER! Thus, given my obsession, I finally decided to create an account to get to the bottom of some things that have been itching my brain. Here’s my second question, “What religious affiliation does Santa have?” Click on the link below to log-in and answer!

Here’s the copy of my question:
What religious affiliation does Santa have?
I assumed that he was Catholic. One could definitely assume that, but after much thought and seeing photos of Santa hat’s that may or may not have been hiding a Yarmulke I wasn’t sure. Then there was the thought that we may be Buddhist giving the come and go of the season.
Rigor Tortoise Die Hard Interrupted Featured on Cracked.com
Hey You Jokers! Check it out, Rigor Tortoise featured on Cracked.com. So go over there and leave a negative (orrrr positive) comment already!

The Bizarre Scene from ‘Die Hard’ You Never Saw — powered by Cracked.com
Christmas Classic – The Tree by Rigor Tortoise and Justin J. Johnson
Hey! Check out this short I wrote and am in. Merry Christmas and/or everything else!
Johnny Cash – The Gifts They Gave Alternate Interlude – Christmas with Johnny Cash
Found this super weird…alternate interlude? I guess that’s what you would call it. In any case if you’ve ever listened to the Johnny Cash Christmas album, you know he talks a lot, but this must’ve been on the cutting room floor, since it’s so weird!