there’s no doubt about one fact, and one fact only…i’m the best in the world at impressonations. often, people say, “hey justin, come back, where did you go” because my impressonations are so good that i become the person! well, it’s about time i share this talent with the world. watch this, but don’t worry, i’m still there, it’s just an impressonation.
2024? More like, 20-twenty MORE Rigor!!! Am I right?! You know I am! And that’s why I’m happy to say Rigor Tortoise is doing our first show of 2024! LIVE at The Clubhouse, Wednesday January 31st at 9pm!
Look, I’m nothing if not an accident prone fella who wants to share secrets…and by that I mean, I LOVE TO SPILL THE TEA! And when I stumbled upon The Big Guy’s “Naughty and Nice List,” you know I had to share it with the world! So, lay your peepers on this list…if you dare!
Remember the Met Gala Cockroach?! With that dress, of course they’re nice!
Spongebob Dude? How dare you. Of course you got coal!
Of course Unions got on the NICE LIST! Hard working people deserve more and Santa knows it!
Couldn’t agree more with The Big Guy. Flounder…you got too much going on!
You thought Gwyneth Paltrow was on the naughty list?! Um, no way, NICE, moving on!
Nobody needs to see some little girl robot dancing ever again! M3GAN, you are naughty!
Santa gets Nepo babies, and just wishes he had a little Santa Nepo Baby of His Own!
Of course Barbie makes the Nice List! How could she not!
Queen Bey on the Nice List! Uncle Johnny made Santa’s SUIT!
You know Santa was dancing through the aisles at the North Pole theater when he watched Eras!
Holy Moly Mac-a-rolly! Can you even believe another show is coming up!!! I can’t, and I’ll be there, so I better start believin’!
Wednesday, November 8th at 9 PM at the Clubhouse!
Well, well, well. Who doesn’t love secrets?! I’ll tell you, possums! Try to throw one a surprise party, I dare you! They’ll just play dead, and party over. That said, if you’re not a possum…or, let’s say an unafraid possum, you can come to a slightly secret Rigor Tortoise show this very evening!
Come on out to The Clubhouse, tonight at 9PM in the Treehouse theater!
hello…
much like tons of folks, I absolutely lost my mind during the pandemic in a somewhat real way…but I mean, what ARE minds anyway, right?!
to cope with the anxiety of trying to re-enter life and be a human again, I enlisted some friends and shot this true Baghead footage…I’m the Greta Gerwig of 2023.
To be made whole
by being not a witness,
but witnessed.
Allow me to lead you on an expertly led guided meditation through Season 4 of Stranger Things.
You love two things: pop culture and meditation. Well, well, well, after years of becoming an expert on both, allow this fella to guide through a meditation on the Kardashians finale.
Check out the latest reely good content! Get it?!? What a time we’re all having! Anyway, here is a reel cut together from some footage from the award winning series, F#cking 40! If you ask me, this guy’s got more range than a Forno Galiano! (That’s a stove joke)
Amateur scientist, Justin J. Johnson is developing a solution that will allow him to walk through walls! Like, subscribe, and follow along on this incredibly necessary scientific breakthrough.