In Case Of, Use Stairway – Cartoon by Justin J. Johnson
June 25
The Handy Dandy – Cartoon by Justin J. Johnson
February 6
Latest cartoon: The Handy Dandy
Jew Barrymore Live at iO West – 10:30 PM
January 14
Hey There! For those of you who are anxiously awaiting this evening’s LobsterDust show, I have some bad news. It’s not happening! Adam Karell is training for the Olympics, and won’t be able to attend. GOOD NEWS THOUGH! For the first time in over a year, Alexandra Fox will be sharing the stage with me in our two person show, Jew Barrymore! Come on out! It’s totally free and will definitely be a good show!
Awful Salmonella Jokes by Justin J. Johnson
January 11
Listen, sometimes you try and try as hard as you might, to write various salmonella jokes. And you know what? Most times if you’re me, it doesn’t work out. Rather than be shamed by my lack of talent, I figured it’s probably best to just share it with the entire world. Enjoy!
Mr. Olsen’s “A Teacher’s Audio Diary” Entry 1
January 4
Mr. Olsen’s “A Teacher’s Audio Diary.” Principal Smith has instructed Mr. Olsen to keep an audio diary after many encounters with a student, Leif Ericson. Apparently Leif has been playing pranks on Mr. Olsen.
*Warning – Mr. Olsen uses foul language. He’s going through a rough time, so give him a break.
My End of Year Review of Stuff You May Want To Enjoy But I’m Not Holding Your Feet To The Fire, You Do What You Want…2012
December 28
Listen, I’m cooler than most everyone. Cool people call themselves cool right? That’s a thing? Yes? YES. Well rest assured I’m cool, I eat kale! Yep, surrrrre do! With pine nuts sometimes, so that should be proof enough. And if you want more proof, sometimes I’ll put that shit in a smoothie. KALE SMOOTHIE! Yeah, I’m on another level, deal with it.
So given my coolness, just know that in the year 2012, I’ve seen good movies, and listened to rad music, done things, and been places. But I’m not going to validate my coolness (other than that kale pine nut business) by listing things. That said, as the Mayans foretold, it’s an obligation of writing stuff and putting it places, to list something at the end of the year. Cavemen did it (Top 10 Dinosaur Incidents That Chuck Got Out Of), Bible did it (Top 10 Bible-y Things in the Bible), and in the future they do it (Top 10 Ways to Escape Planet Volcano Lazers And Will.I.Am Musical Sounds).
THUS…I will list one thing that is a double whammy. One of my favorite books I read, accompanied by one of my favorite albums I listened to whilst I read said book. I MULTI-TASK!
The book you ask? The Antidote by Oliver Burkeman. Pure gold. Insightful, humorous, delicious (I ate the book after I read it…I have a “thing”)
The album you gasp? Fabrizio Paterlini’s “Autumn Stories” Emotional, beautiful, probably delicious (I can’t eat MP3’s…yet)
What did you expect? The Hunger Games and Ke$ha? Even typing that dollar sign in the name made me feel rotten. Ugh. So there you have it, a book and an album that just blew your mind out of your mind holder. Go buy both, and enjoy them together. You may even learn something! What was that? You learned something from the Ke$sh alb…do I have to type that dollar sign? Ke$…ahhhh, I do! My hands are being controlled by Ke$ha…ahhhhhhhHhhhHhhhh!!!!! NO! NO, KE$HA I WON’T LET THIS HAPPEN! STOP IT!!! Ke$ha is the best! WAIIIITTT, I DIDN’T TYPE THAT! What, did you get a voodoo doll? KE$HAS ALBUM iZ NUmBA 1…NO! KE$SHA STOP! I don’t want to type in your abbreviated dumb text type idiot future language…I…am fighting…so…hard…Your music…is AWFUL…and you look like a weird valley girl robot….AHHHH!!!
I beat Kesha! PHEW! You guys, lesson learned…don’t try to slander Kesha on the Internet. She will voodoo your fingers into typing positive things about her.
Goodbye 2012. Hello 2025! Ke$ha RULZ!!!
NOOOO!!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!
A Boring Monologue About Guacamole Accompanied By Me Playing Guitar and Harmonica
November 8
Listen, you guys do what you want with your Wednesday evenings, but I’m going to use mine to crappily record a monologue while I play guitar and harmonica.
The Candle and The Stain by Justin J. Johnson
October 29
New cartoon, The Candle and The Stain by Justin J. Johnson
TheJustinJohnsonShow.com/LIVE! – Justin J. Johnson’s Low Quality Upload!
October 8
If you didn’t make it out to the first TheJustinJohnsonShow.com/LIVE, and prefer watching very low quality versions of live shows on YouTube, boy oh boy are you in for a treat! Because below you will find something that’s like Christmas for you! If you don’t…well, don’t worry, because I’m in the process of doing it again.
Almost Doesn’t Count by Justin J. Johnson
October 3
Almost Doesn’t Count by Justin J. Johnson
