Hello! Check out some shows this week!
Live Shows This Week – Aug 12th – 18th
August 13
Excerpts From Famous Speeches of History (Edited to Include The Hottest Keywords From Google)
August 10
Check this out, Winston Churchill was a G! Honestly, dude was pretty gangsta and when people weren’t so sure on him, he got behind the mic and DELIVERED in the quite revered, “Blood, Sweat, and Tears” speech. For my very own enjoyment (and probably nobody else’s), I have “optimized it” with the hottest Google keywords of today, August 10th, 2012. Grab a tissue, and read on…
I say to the NFL as I said to Randy Travis who had joined the PGA Championship, I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat. We have before us an earthquake of the most Foo kind. We have before us many, many months of NFL.com and suffering.
You ask, what is Kinesio tape? I say it is to wage war by Usain Bolt, Ashton Eaton, and Kourtney Kardashian’s baby girl. War with all our Steelers and with all the strength Dwight Hoard has given us, and to wage war against a monstrous Bourne Legacy never surpassed in the dark and lamentable London 2012 Slalom Canoe. That is our policy.
You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word. It is Honey Boo Boo. Honey Boo Boo at all costs – Honey Boo Boo in spite of all terrors – Honey Boo Boo, however long and hard the road may be, for without Sanya Richards Ross, there is no London Basketball 2012.
Winston Churchill, May 13, 1940; House of Commons, London
Fang Island’s “Sisterly” Directed by Behn Fannin
August 10
Check out this awesome, dope, radical, music video for an awesome dope, radical song by an awesome, dope, radical band. Fang Island’s “Sisterly,” directed by Behn Fannin.
Get More: Fang Island, Sisterly, Music, More Music Videos
Bradley Cooper Miata Sightings
August 10
Punctuation Humor Comma That’s Not Funny Period
August 8
As is the case with most, sometimes I get stuck on an idea and write too many things about it. Then rather than tuck that away into oblivion…wait, can you tuck something into oblivion? Seems pretty involved. Regardless, rather than tuck it in…that’s what he said…I put it out there, that’s what he said. So hold on to your butts, and get ready to groan at a series of comma ideas I’ve been playing with.
A PSA That Means Something
August 7
Check out the latest PSA announcement by Rigor Tortoise.
A Dead Heat
August 7
The Germaphobe Kleenex
August 7
The REAL Justin Johnson is Calling You Out Justin Bieber!
August 2
Hey Biebs, Beebs, or Beibs,
Firstly I don’t know how to spell it, and you need to calm down already because if you think for a second I’m gonna Google it, you’re dead wrong, you jerk!
Secondly quit whispering about girlfriends and answer my e-mail! It’s been 3 weeks now, and I e-mailed you directly to what I assume is your Gmail address, justinbieber@gmail.com, and you’re not answering! I need answers Bleib! And I need them now!
The above is my e-mail, look familiar Bieber?!
Ever sense you tried to be me…and by the way, get real there leibs, you’ll never be me, so keep dreabing…I’ve had the cops thinking I’m being chased by the Papparazzi and they’re tailing my every move to ensure I’m “safe.” Well guess what Leave it to Bleiber, having cops around you all the time, isn’t exactly a trip to the funzone!
Thus far you have…
A) Tried to be me, which is sick! QUIT SINGLE WHITE FEMAILING ME!
B) Ruined my life, which is now a permanent low speed, no laws being broken, police chase.
Andddd…
C) I don’t know what “C” is yet, but if you don’t aplogize, I’m sure it will be awful so quit being a jerk!
Honestly, the new album is dope.
Sincerely,
The REAL Justin Johnson!
Indie Rock Trading Deadline
August 1
Listen reader, if you’re reading this I’m betting you don’t know where you’re at. Perhaps you were searching for knit rugs and somehow got here, but I’m A) not judging you, and B) not going to try to figure out what miracle happened to lead you here. That said, I’ve got about 3 followers on Twitter, despite the fact that I’m lighting it up constantly like I’m Clark Griswold! (note to self: add that phrase as a lyric to my rap cd I’m working on). In any case, yesterday all of my worlds collided and #IndieRockTradingDeadline was trending on Twitter. And get this, two of my Indie Rock Trading Deadline tweets were featured on PasteMagazine.com. Don’t believe ME?!?! Check yourself fool! AND, check this out!
http://www.pastemagazine.com/blogs/1000words/2012/07/20-great-indierocktradedeadline-tweets.html
